Lost item

Can't believe I dropped my ear piece charger case on the bus.

Hopefully some kind soul would find it and return to the lost and found area. But what are the chances. 

Maybe I could get a new ear piece or a case replacement if it's not too expensive. 

Anxiety

Just knew this's coming since months ago.

Wondering why is it somebody else who have to pay for one's bad habits.

Recently, my mum was diagnosed with stroke, with high cholesterol. I have been telling her to cut down on unhealthy food but she doesn't heed any advice from us. Thinking she's very healthy from eating junk food. Also, she doesn't listen to us to go for knee operation until things get too bad. All these are really frustrating. Can't I have a better Mum..

Furthermore, she is a very difficult person to handle - always throwing temper around as if she's in the queen. She just can't speak normally. Always complaining about things. I must be blessed with a good Dad. Or I must say the most fortunate thing that she did was married to my Dad. It's a torture to be with this kind of person the whole time and now my dad is the primary care giver. I don't see her trying to change even now..I guess there's not much hope for her to recover.

Also, she's not very well covered by insurance - so we are now rushing to get her and my dad health insurance as much as possible - within our budget. Glad that I have 2 other siblings who are willing to share the costs.

I think I will be single for my life - so getting myself sufficiently insured is the next big thing to do as well.

All these are making me quite anxious these days. I guess work and lack of career progression are also adding to it. Life sure sucks. Makes me wonder what's the point of living some times and much often recently. 

I guess I need think of ways to reduce my anxiety. 

(1) Getting parents insured - almost done. Transferring my mum to public hosp - not done

(2) Getting myself insured - progressing 

(3) My career plan - not done; This includes planning on self-improvement and my next 5 years plan.

(4) Budget Plan - not done. Plan for self-sufficiency for future.

Feels like I have a lot of things to do. Sigh. Life is definitely unfair. 

time to reflect and think

2 months to the end of year, I didn't feel like I become a better me as compared to a year ago

I didn't learn much this year, simply just learning how to use a tool that is less used in the commercial world.

This year, there's a lot of buzz around agentic ai. It would be really nice to know how to develop it, the architecture and the tools. However, I guess depending on the tool that is use - Best if it's widely used by other companies. So here's one more thing to learn.

Now, 10 months into this company, I'm still quite shocked that the infrastructure is that bad... I guess it's bad because of political reason. They just want to make sure their people have work to do. It's just so stupid. 

No choice, i just to bear with available tools. There's nothing i can do right - learn the tool and hoping that it can resolve the issues that I would never have in my previous company. 

It's pretty sad, and not motivating at all. 

Recently, my manager asked me if there's anything that I'm interested in. However, the scope feels very narrow here - everyone is just trying to fight for the juicy stuff (same and very similar projects). Just feels very tiring, mentally - you just have to fight for survival. 

But then, you might be given up even going through that.

Never mind. 

I guess I just have to focus on improving myself. Gotta get myself prepare for a night call soon. Shall type more soon. I'm just lazy to switch on my com after work.   

some thoughts

Feels hard to get replies when your job grade is not high enough.

I guess this is the same everywhere.

Always have to get the Manager's help. 

Over here, your work has high dependency on other people. This sucks as well. 

one year wiser?

It's always nice to receive well wishes from friends even though I'm feeling old. However, replying messages is something that is a little draining for me.

There are days when I just didn't have the energy to do it. Even though the message could be coming from my close friends. Super reluctant to even touch my phone. It happened yesterday, I just wanted to live inside my small bubble - escaped from reality.

Feeling the lack of energy is also occurring more and more often. I think I just needed to start planning - with something that I can look forward to. 

Okay.. that's it for today. Hoping that I'm one year wiser next year. 

😷

Feeling terrible now.

My throat hurts like mad.

Each time I drank water, it started to burn afterwards.

Wasn't able to sleep the entire night. Only started to sleep from 4 to 7AM after I decided to eat the medicine that is supposed to reduce inflammation. (But would need to eat with food)

Wearing invisilgn is definitely not convenient in this circumstances.

How long more do I have to bear with this pain.. it's really a torture🥲

reaching 3 months mark

time flies, almost 3 months into the job.

But I'm starting to feel some frustrations because of the lack of the ability to do certain things due to the tools and infrastructure.

Can't believe productionizing a table could take so much time and effort, it used to take me a couple of minutes to do so after the script was written and checks were done. 

Also, it's not within my control now. It has to be done by a DE...

Sigh...just don't understand why a bigger company has worse tech stack, creating so many inefficiencies.

Not sure how long i could last