interview last day of july

Jiayou! 

星期五

‘没有希望，就不会失望。’

这是我在小时候明白的道理。

所以我时常降低我的期望 - 希望我能有好的结果。

至少结果不如意时，失望还是有的但不会太多。至少不会把心态给崩了。

这期间事业遇到不稳定，有点艰难。每一天都想辞职，但又舍弃不了工资， 也怕找不到工作。

人啊，好想潇洒但还是被现实打败。

不知不觉我也迈入工作的第十年。从二十出头的“少女”，变成“成熟一点的少女”。

哈哈把自己称呼少女。有时候挺怀恋小时候的日子。区别是当时没钱。

最后还是希望，一点希望我能有转机。

becoming a better me

 Looking back at my old posts, I realised that my perspective of certain things have changed after 4 or 5 years. 

I can't say if it's a good or bad. 

However, I think the lack of reflecting on small or big matters over the 3 years is something that I regretted not doing. Recently, the feeling that I hadn't improved any little bit, has been creeping in. 

I started to ask myself, have I become a better person as compared to 3 years ago? A person who i envision to be?

...

I hope to say "yes", but deep within my heart, "no" seems to be what I am hearing.

That's pretty sad, right. 

I think the only thing that I did well was getting into the career that I'm striving for. However, it felt like I didn't gain much technically.

Yes, I became more proficient in the tools. However, I felt like I'm still lacking a lot in technique knowledge. I can confidently say that my master program has helped me to gain more knowledge, but there isn't any chance to use it at work. "If you don't use it, you forget it." That's what happening to me right now.

I felt like an imposter, even though it's better than 3 years ago.

But the fact that I stopped planning for my career had led me pretty lost now.

I remembered my plan (handwritten in a notebook) was: 

- Get promoted when I reach 32 - i did it

- Complete my master when I'm 33 - about to

... that's all 

so what's next? 

For the last 3 to 4 months (i was more actively searching from march), I was applying to any jobs that look okay to me. Of course, there were job postings that i found more interested in. Applied but got no response. 

To be truthful, I had no direction, no plans.

And lately, I'm feeling more and more anxious. Especially seeing the changes in my surroundings, colleagues are leaving every other week, and I'm wondering why I'm still here when others had found their next steps. 

Am I too picky? Or is it because of my lack in abilities to score well in interviews? What did I do for the past 4 months to help me grab hold of opportunities?

I didn't do anything major to help me advance. I was just hoping to get out without any plan. That's hilarious... 

...

"if you fail to plan, you plan to fail" 

This is the phrase that has stayed with me since I was 15. However, I had left it at the back of my mind. Terrible right? It's awful, feels like I have lost myself. 

I know..I need to plan now. Start working on the steps to reach it and I have to get back on my feet. 

Life sucks

To summarise First half of my 2024:

Bland and meaningless

A huge portion is because of work. Having to work on uninteresting stuff and getting no support at work feels shitty. 

Just wondering how to get myself out of this demoralising cycle. Hoping to get out by August.

Wish me luck. 

遇到可爱的人

周一。

在公司的电梯遇到3位女生。

其中一位说：＂加油！很快就是拜五了！＂

我听了后不禁地暗笑。