start of everything- 2008 to 2009

Okay,i shall start writing my precious memories and this secret of mine..
But first.. i have to apologise to two of my friends..
玉and 口水.

I' m sorry...very sorry for not being able to tell you guys the truth..and have to lie when u guys ask..
yup what is she to me..close friends?
sorry i cant tell because even me myself dont even know the ans

if i can remember correctly..on the day of my first orientation at pj...18 feb 2008..
i met her..
at that time..she was my secondary school mate..my team most precious shooter..my friend..
i was sitting in the hall in the row which stated my og..she came to me..she had cut bangs..so she look quite different..if i could say now..she looked cute then..

and that was how the first time i met her in 2008..

after that we joined the same cca again...and that starts everything...
happiness..sadness..dependent..lost..fear..and tears..

今天在回家的巴士上, 旁边坐着一个阿公抱着他的孙子.
那小孩子很可爱,时不时地发出娃娃声,'啊啊啊'。
但是谁能听得懂。看着那两三岁，天真无瑕的小孩，我不禁地想'当个小孩真好'.
也对，他们什么都不懂.
我也好想回到什么也不懂的时候，不懂爱是什么，不懂那个永远都不会好的痛，不懂想念一个把你忘掉的人的痛苦，不懂什么是绝望，不懂要怎么擦爱能忘掉一切..

小孩的好处是健忘； 刚刚还在哭 但一会儿你就会看到他在笑了,多好。
我只能羡慕。


Walking home from the bus stop..seeing lightning just appearing in front of me.. i thought of her..
[ BONG! 她说：‘啊!有闪电!!' 我说:'...是打雷..' 她那时还真可爱..但她从此只能出现在我心里了 ]
nowadays i like to walk home without wearing my spectacles...because i thought probably her face that kept appearing in my mind will become as blur as the environment around me...perhaps i m wrong..自欺欺人 ..

now i have to organise her bday..probably this will be my last time organising and celebrating her bday..next year..her new friends will be the one..i will be no longer needed..which i really understand now..and trying to accept it..this painful fact..

the angel who devil loves has gone..

hey!didn't blog for a long long time..
POTW fever is not over yet. like MGY and MCW!:)

read a lot of fanfics!
some are really fantastic!
too bad i cant introduce this show to my friends because most probably they wont like it.haha

and i think i need find a new job..a higher pay job!since i have no scholarship and i have lost the most important person in my life..i can really do nothing at all..

losing her was so painful..probably i shall put my memories in words..becos i m really afraid that my memories will fade and i may question myself if that really happened..since i can no longer ask anyone now..( shall write it soon!)

she has chose to forget everything..even her promise..
but i will keep mine..

and there is a 漂亮姐姐 near my workplace!i always call her 漂亮姐姐 (nt aloud just in my heart.haha) i realised she loves purple!always wearing purple top.

anw i shall buy 包 and french fries on my last day of work!

향기가 있어 왔더니, 꽃이 있군.
Hyanggiga iseo watdeoni, kkochi itgun.

꽃을 함부로 밟는 나비가 어디있답니까?
Kkocheul hamburo bamneun nabiga eodiitdamnikka?

아리따운 꽃에는 응당 나비가 앉는 법.
Arittaun kkocheneun eungdang nabiga anneun beop.

아무나 앉으라 있는 꽃이 아닙니다.
Amuna anjeura inneun kkochi animnida.

loves this.hahaa


sigh i m still waiting for my scholarship reply it is so torturing!!
esp when yr friends got it and u didnt :(

just give me a college scholarshiip i dont mind!!please!
one week plus two days passed..five more days..
want to be optimistic but it is hard

want some words of comfort fromher but she just full of thorns..
the one who once belong to me has gone..
still in the state of attempting to accept but there is still a small hope wishing that she will return..

i m silly..stupid..and wuyaokejiu..

a great morning today:)
met st
more food for breakfast
and she sms me..
but didnt expect the msg to be coming from her..
becos i have learnt not to expect anything from her..
it always only bring disappointment..
great disappointment and pain..


i m crazy abt POTW!!
love MGY and MCW
SYB and JH!!

keep reading forums.hahaa


and td's sunset is beautiful:)

毛毛的雨
凉凉的风
好像在描绘我的心情

hey

you there?

what i wish now was dreaming of you wishing me goodluck..
becos i know the real you dont bother anymore..

please stay in my dream k..

tmr is my scholarship interview,

can you give me some support?

....

feels like crying..

你知道吗

我似乎天天都梦到你

是太想你了吗

每一次在梦里好害怕好害怕会失去你 只好紧紧握着你 不想放开 真的不想

但它只是个梦

我醒来 你就不见了

我失去你了

心也不知道去哪里了...

asking myself.. what will i do without you..

i really dunno.. because i start to miss you when i have thought to give up..

there is still a small hope that you are still the one who i know even though you hurt me so much...

even though i know u doesnt care anymore..

even though i know you are not her anymore..

but what can i do..
you have become a need..
i dont know how..

in pain now...

very pain...
realise i need u..

left home late this morning..not on purpose just that my clothes gave me some problem..
so when i took the train it was almost the time that she took the train as well..
the train went past her hse..and i saw her walking..
even it was quite far..but i can recognise that was her..
in black dress..

when i reached the mrt station..i couldnt get on the train so i have to wait for the next train..
i started to fear..fear that she may see me..
but luckily the train came..i saw her again before i got on...
she was just opposite me..coming out from the lrt train..she looks okay..fine..very good..

but ironically..i m not..

this goes to show that newton 3rd law does not work on us anymore...
what u say for 2 years were just lies..
those msg were lies too huh..
and i trusted it so much..so much that it hurts me so now..
i m just nothing anymore..

i understand..just cant accept it yet

it's over
she is gone..

now my work seems painful..
typing the dates which are all last year dates makes it worse..
making me remember things that happened last year..
beautiful memories..yet has became painful to me..
it makes me see the changes..which i thought will not happen after i had told her my feelings..
at first i thought probably keeping quiet and let it end when school end too..
but it seems i cant so i told her..
things went well..it was a time that i never feel so happy before..
but now she told me i was only a close friend..which made me wonder if my memories are distorted and who was the sender of those messages..
those messages that became painful to me as well..

april seems to mark the start as well the end...
do u really forget..?

ytd i cried from home to office..ha so stupid..
crying wont bring her back anymore..
she has gone..
it seems better without me..

thanks st!thankyou for eating out with me!super cold ice cream!haha
and also bringing me to buy clothes.
my first time.

thanks alot my dearest friend

the pain that u gave can never be healed..
how i wish i could forget it as simply as a file deleted from a computer..